


the dirty romance novel chronicles

by kattyshack



Series: snowflakes [8]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dirty Talk, Drunk Texting, Drunkenness, F/M, Flirting, Humor, Sexting, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 07:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12789915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattyshack/pseuds/kattyshack
Summary: prompt fill (@goodqueenalys): jonxsansa: sexting, aka Jon gets wasted and attempts to seduce Sansa via text message. And, to absolutely no one’s surprise (except perhaps the ever-oblivious Robb’s), it works.





	the dirty romance novel chronicles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AliceInNeverNeverLand](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceInNeverNeverLand/gifts).



> a/n: struggling through a major bout of fic writer’s block, so here’s a little some-somethin’ until i can manage my wip updates and other requests
> 
> (incidentally — and maybe it’s because i’ve spent so much time on my original book, which is written entirely in texts, emails, etc. — the tech-y narrative usually helps me to regain my creative footing. so here’s hoping)

**TO: Sansa Stark**  
**FROM: Theon Greyjoy**

 **THEON** : jon’s fuckin’ WRECKED

 **SANSA** : …Tell him congratulations?

 **THEON** : lmaoooo you’ve never dealt with drunk jon before, have you?

 **SANSA** : He’s generally the designated driver. Some people, Theon, do have a sense of responsibility and selflessness.

 **THEON** : hey i can be selfless

 **THEON** : like right now

 **THEON** : i COULD just let jon do what he’s gonna do, totally without warning, leaving you blindsided to his declarations of deepest affection, which would be hella fun for me and yet HERE I AM, disrupting destiny’s natural course and giving you a heads-up, all because i am a sensitive and thoughtful soul

 **SANSA** : You are the least self-aware person I have ever met, and this is only Exhibit A.

 **SANSA** : Also.

 **SANSA** : Jon’s declarations of WHAT now??

 **THEON** : lmao you’re on your own now, princess. but i’m sure jon’ll let you into the loop in about… five… four… three… two… aaaaaaaand—

* * *

 **TO: Sansa Stark**  
**FROM: Jon Snow**

 **JON** : Sansa you’re so fucking pretty

 **SANSA** : Jon, you’re so fucking drunk.

 **JON** : Sansa you never swear

 **JON** : You’re drunk too

 **JON** : Robb said you went out with the TYRELLS.

 **SANSA** : I am… pleasantly tipsy.

 **JON** : Oh good

 **JON** : So as I was saying

 **JON** : You’re so fucking pretty. I am definitely in love with you. Not just because you’re pretty, but I have to admit that that’s probably why I fantasize about you. Because I saw you coming out the bathroom in a towel last week and now all I can think about is fucking you in the shower

 **SANSA** : This is decidedly *not* the chivalrous Jon Snow I’ve come to know and love over the years.

 **JON** : Okay what if I said that, as well as fucking you in the shower, I am completely amenable to making love to you in a bed

 **SANSA** : Since when?? I need a little backstory before you send me into a sexual frenzy in the middle of the pub.

 **JON** : Since like eight months ago? At least. I know that’s forever but I’m shit with girls. I had to get drunk to tell you. But it started when my car was in the shop and you were driving me to and from work. Right before you dumped Hardyng. I hate that guy. I could fuck you so much better, Sansa, I promise

 **SANSA** : …How, exactly?

 **JON** : D’you want specifics

 **SANSA** : Listen, Jon, I KNOW you and Theon found my secret stash of erotic novels when you were snooping for my equally secret stash of chocolate last month. It’s the latest running joke, although you’re too gentlemanly to mock me for it. But the point is I have those books for a reason.

 **SANSA** : So yes, if you don’t mind, I’d like to know SPECIFICALLY how well you’d fuck me. Text me a dirty romance novel.

 **JON** : I’d kiss you first. Fucking hell, Sansa, I think I could kiss you for hours. Start off slow but I don’t think I could help myself, I’d kiss you harder, taste your tongue, bite your lip until you moaned

 **JON** : I bet you’d moan as pretty as you look

 **JON** : Would you kiss me back, San?

 **SANSA** : And then some.

 **JON** : I bet. You’re such a good girl, aren’t you? You always look so proper, in your cardigans with your hair all done up and that red lipstick you like so much. I love that color on you. I want you to wear it when you’re sucking on my neck

 **SANSA** : …Just your neck? I was thinking I’d have a go at your cock, too.

 **JON** : Jesus

 **JON** : I want to make this last longer than it would if you went down on me right away

 **SANSA** : I take back everything I said about you not being chivalrous.

 **JON** : I can keep going, then?

 **SANSA** : Mmm, don’t stop. What else do you like to see me in, Snow?

 **JON** : Your lucky pencil skirt. That one you wear whenever you’ve got a meeting with a new client. I remember the first time you told me about that, all I wanted to do was get lucky with you when you’re in that skirt and nothing else

 **JON** : I want to get on my knees for you, push that skirt up to your hips and eat you out. Fuck, San. You know how often I think about that? I wanna lick you from your cunt to your tits to your neck, and I wanna suck on that spot behind your ear where you dab your perfume and tell you how fucking sexy you are and how good you taste

 **SANSA** : What do you think I taste like?

 **JON** : I think about that all the time. You’re sweet, you’ve got to be. Sweet and hot. I wanna get your legs around my shoulders, dig my grip into your thighs while I’m fucking you with my tongue. Your legs drive me mad

 **SANSA** : You’re driving me mad right now.

 **JON** : Yeah? I wanna hear you say that when I’ve got my mouth on your tits and you pulling my hair

 **SANSA** : You want me to get rough with you?

 **JON** : Yeah, sweetheart, show me who’s boss. I love when you tell me what to do. When you texted to tell me to stop by the shop for peppercorns on my way over the other day, I swear I almost came straight to the kitchen and pushed you up against the counter. I wanted to snog you senseless

 **JON** : Once I’d handed over your peppercorns, obviously. See, chivalrous as ever. 

 **SANSA** : So you want to go down on me AND do my grocery shopping?

 **JON** : Think I’d do just about anything you asked me to

 **SANSA** : God, I’m definitely in love with you, too.

 **JON** : You’re easy, aren’t you, Stark?

 **SANSA** : For you, absolutely.

 **JON** : What are you wearing?

 **SANSA** : That pleated leather skirt Arya got me for my last birthday, and that cream sweater you gave me for Christmas.

 **JON** : Holy shit

* * *

 **TO: Sansa Stark**  
**FROM: Theon Greyjoy**

 **THEON** : what the fuck are you texting jon

 **THEON** : the man just WHIMPERED

 **THEON** : like a DOG

* * *

 **TO: Jon Snow**  
**FROM: Sansa Stark**

 **SANSA** : You like that ensemble, I take it?

 **JON** : First time you wore that skirt I bought Arya a case of her favorite beer. She still doesn’t know why.

 **SANSA** : Hate to burst your bubble but she absolutely does know why. I thought she was just taking the piss but she told me later, “That skirt got me free beer and I’m not even the one who had to wear it. Jon’s a fuckin’ sucker, ain’t he?”

 **JON** : She can take the piss all she likes. That skirt’s given her a free lifetime pass.

 **JON** : I wanna get lucky with you when you’re wearing nothing but that skirt, too

 **JON** : You know what. How many skirts do you own? I want to fuck you in all of them

 **JON** : I like you in that sweater, too, that one I gave you. Makes me feel like you’re mine.

 **SANSA** : Mmm, possessive, are we?

 **JON** : Over you? Hell yes. If you let me I’d mark you up with my mouth so everybody knew. I’d suck on your neck while I’ve got my fingers in you, right before I put my cock in you, when you’re wet and ready for me

 **SANSA** : You’re getting me wet and ready for you as we speak.

 **JON** : Good. I wanna make you feel good, sweetheart. I already know how good you’ll make me feel when you’re riding me. I think about that, too, you on top of me, hickeys on your neck and my hands on your tits when you’re grinding on me. Drives me crazy. Gets me off but I want to get you off, too.

 **JON** : Do you think about that, Sansa? You get off to me like I do to you?

 **SANSA** : Yes. Would you think less of me if I said every night and the occasional morning?

 **JON** : Fuck no. I’d only think I wish I was there to do it for you

 **JON** : What do you think about me doing to you?

 **SANSA** : Everything you said. It’s like you’ve had a front-row seat to all my wet dreams.

 **JON** : Care to make them a reality? I’m half-hard just thinking about you, and I just

 **JON** : Fuck

 **JON** : I really wanna fucking kiss you, Sansa

 **SANSA** : God, I thought you’d never ask. Can you ditch Robb and Theon? Where can I meet you?

 **JON** : I’m at the Black Crow. You?

 **SANSA** : The Little Bird, just down the road.

 **JON** : Sit tight I’ll be there in ten seconds

* * *

 **TO: Margaery Tyrell**  
**FROM: Robb Stark**

 **ROBB** : Is my sister with you? Jon ran outta the pub like a bat outta hell and Theon keeps laughing and telling me to “ask Sansa” but she’s not answering her phone.

 **ROBB** : How would Sansa know, anyway??

 **MARGAERY** : I WAS with your sister… and perhaps I happened to see Jon, too… He m a y h a v e barreled in here, grabbed Sansa’s hand, and dragged her off with hardly more than an apology he clearly didn’t mean.

 **ROBB** : …what

 **MARGAERY** : If I angle myself just right, maybe — MAYBE — I can see them down the back corridor, past the loo, and — well, my my, Jon’s made rather quick work of her, hasn’t he?

 **ROBB** : WHAT

 **ROBB** : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 **MARGAERY** : I’d tell you to ask Theon, but I think I can manage to put it just as indelicately as he would, so: Jon’s sucking your sister’s neck like a Hoover and he’s got both hands up her shirt.

 **MARGAERY** : He’s either very enthusiastic about feeling her up, or perhaps he’s giving her an impromptu but nevertheless thorough breast exam.

 **ROBB** : _typing…_

 **MARGAERY** : But then, I suppose if it were the latter he wouldn’t be trying to taste her tonsils, too. Hmm. Interesting, you know, I never took Jon for a tits man, but then he’s always been a “Sansa’s anything and everything” man, hasn’t he?

 **ROBB** : _typing…_

 **MARGAERY** : He’s got a leg between her thighs and they are just -going to town- on each other, bless them, I’d better make sure to take my birth control or I might get pregnant just watching them.

 **ROBB** : Margaery for FUCK’S sake STOP

 **MARGAERY** : Oh, you’re such a prude, Robb.

 **ROBB** : SHE’S MY SISTER

 **MARGAERY** : And if Jon has his way of it, he’ll be your brother-in-law by the weekend, bet.

 **ROBB** : What the — what? WHAT? How do you figure that??

 **MARGAERY** : Well, first off, he’s in love with her. Clearly. Obviously. And she’s been mad for him for AGES, I know because I’m the one who’s had to listen to her wistful sighs all summer and beyond. Second, he’s already got down on one knee, just now.

 **ROBB** : _typing…_

 **MARGAERY** : …both knees.

 **ROBB** : _typing…_

 **MARGAERY** : And in the back of a pub, for god’s sake, their lack of shame is truly inspiring.

 **ROBB** : _typing…_

 **MARGAERY** : I need to fetch another drink to celebrate. Lovely to chat, Robb, but I’ve got shots to take. I’d suggest you do likewise, and perhaps delete this conversation so you’re not forced to face it in the blinding, sober clarity of tomorrow’s hangover. Ta!

* * *

 **TO: Jon Snow**  
**FROM: Theon Greyjoy**

 **THEON** : lmao nice going, snow

* * *

 **TO: Sansa Stark**  
**FROM: Theon Greyjoy**

 **THEON** : i hate to say i told you so, but… i fuckin’ told you so

* * *

 **TO: Jon Snow**  
**FROM: Robb Stark**

 **ROBB** : I’m going to murder you. Just absolutely fucking kill you. With my bare hands.

* * *

_[the next day…]_

**TO: Robb Stark**  
**FROM: Jon Snow**

 **JON** : Worth it.

 **JON** : Wanna leave it for the afternoon, maybe? Sansa’s still sleeping. She looks too pretty to wake up just yet, and I promised I’d take her for breakfast, too.

 **JON** : So I’m thinking you can kill me around two-ish, give or take.

 **ROBB** : _typing…_


End file.
